Here I am again, back to my blog, after being delinquent for several months. My posts aren’t earth shattering, so I don’t think I’ve really been missed, but some things are happening around here that I want to blog about, so I can look back on them later and see how the Lord has worked in my situation.
As any of my readers know, I have several medical issues. Most of them are under control…the Celiac, Type II diabetes, and hypothyroid among some of the bigger issues. My fibromyalgia is one of the things that I deal with on a more daily basis. Well, I deal with the others daily, but this is the one that keeps me guessing from day to day. How much pain will I be in today? WILL I be in pain today? How long will it take my pain meds to work today?
I went for some tests last week, to check out causes for some pain I’ve had in my bladder area, as well as microscopic blood in my urine. They did a CT scan of my urinary tract and a cystoscopy , where they shine a light where a light should NEVER be shone! Thankfully, all those things checked out and he things it is bladder spasms from an over active bladder? We’ll see if this new med, yes, another one, will help.
As with many of my other tests, what we were initially looking for was normal but something else was revealed. First of all, an ovarian cyst…no biggy. But the thing of concern is a dilated common bile duct/pancreatic duct. Something is there that is preventing this area from releasing the bile/enzymes into my digestive tract, thus making the tube larger because it’s backing up a bit. He told me they would do a high resolution CT scan of the pancreas to make sure there weren’t any masses. I didn’t think much of it at the time.
The next day, the office person who called to schedule the further tests was obviously trying to get them done in a timely manner. They are scheduled for Thursday, the 17th of November, and they will be giving me a disc with the images. I am to bring them to the doctor’s office the next morning at 8:15 a.m. and they will be working me in. She stressed that they did not want to wait another week to get this done. I must say that HER urgency, has greatly affected me. I’m still a nurse, even though I don’t practice any longer. I can tell they want to rule out something major. In my reading, this dilation can be caused by pancreatitis, which I highly doubt I have because I would be in more pain. Or, it could be cancer. My GP did tell me today that gall stones can also cause this dilation. Can I say I have never wanted gall stones so badly in my life!!!
My thoughts have run the gamut in the last few days. My anxiety has been quite high, off and on. I am working very hard to take my thoughts captive, but I do think of the possibilities. How can I not? I know from nursing experience that pancreatic cancer does not have a high success rate. I’m intentionally NOT reading about that now though, because I don’t want to go there unless God takes me there Himself. I am not going to walk ahead of Him. If I go there, it will be with HIM leading me by the hand.
It is strange how the body reacts to potential bad news. You just can’t separate the mind and heart from the body. I was watching the nursery with Kenny Sunday evening. We had two very active boys around the age of three. I looked at Kenny and told him when we had grandchildren, babysitting them would be a two man job! Immediately I had a catch in my chest…will I SEE my grandchildren? I pushed it aside, because I didn’t want to take Kenny in the same places my mind was wandering. I imagine his mind is doing its own thing. I’ve gotten the same catch when I’ve thought about having Thanksgiving here next week with Kenny’s family…when I think to Christmas next month. Even today at the eye doctor…I only ordered 6 months of contact lenses. I may not need more. If I do, great…I’ll order them in 6 months!
To say I want to know NOW is an understatement. But God has His timing at play, not mine. But I know for certain that regardless of when or what I find out, He has orchestrated the entire thing. He knows my every need. He will walk with me though the further tests, and He will be with us Friday morning when we find out what those tests show.
I remembered today a phrase that was brought us several times a few years ago at one of our Ladies Conferences at Faith Bible Fellowship. It’s not about me…it’s ALL about HIM! I can’t tell you how much I want to honor Him in all this. I don’t feel I’ve been a very good example through my current health issues. But this is another opportunity to TRUST MY LORD. An opportunity to show to others that it is ALL good. My God is GOOD. He loves me more than any word can express. He is with me every step of the way along my journey, whether this takes a difficult turn or not. He is not sending me into a dark pit. He is holding out His hand and asking me to walk with Him. He is being gentle, but oh so strong. He knows the way, and I just need to walk in the path He leads. He is stretching me in so many ways. He is giving me all I need to grow into the image of His Son.