It wasn’t that many years ago when Mother’s Day was filled with homemade cards from the boys and tiny plants they brought me from Sunday School. Not a person in this family has the “gift giving” love language, so no one goes to great lengths, unless it is Christmas. That’s fine. I’ve seen the hurt it causes when there is an unequal yoking amongst the love languages, especially gift giving.
Last year, I was struggling after my back surgery. I’m so glad that is behind me. I don’t remember that Mother’s Day. In fact, I don’t remember a lot of what happened in the weeks following my surgery. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
This year, I’m still weak, but not because of my back. I AM, in fact, getting better….from my newly diagnosed diabetes. The word is out on the fibromyalgia, since the new medication I’ve been taking is causing some side effects that make me exhausted and lethargic. Much of the energy I had regained is gone again. I am weaning myself off that drug, which has done WONDERS for my pain level. I just can’t handle the way it makes me feel. Very frustrating, indeed.
Both the boys are in college now….Andrew still at home and I’m so thankful for that. He has grown by leaps and bounds this year…thankfully, not physically. 6 foot, 4 inches is big enough! He has become much more independent and has developed a circle of friends in the members of his Campus Crusuade for Christ Bible study members. He went into it, feeling a bit like an outsider, since all the other members live at one dorm on campus, but I feel like much of that is dissolving. He respects his leaders and have developed some friendships within the group. He is going to miss this this summer as many of them will go back “home” and not be in Raleigh.
He strongly desires to get a job, but so far that has not been possible. Even in highschool, his physical limitation have made it impossible. He is trying to get a job on campus this summer, but knows that our first priority for him is to work hard at the physical therapy that he has been given to strengthen his body. He has loved swimming this past semester and will continue that three times a week. His PT also wants him to go to the gym for some specific exercises 2-3 times a week. That is more important to me than a job. He is not lazy. He was fretting this morning at his low funds because of Mother’s Day. I told him what I really wanted, which was help with planting things on the deck that is hard for ME. Initially he thought that was lame, but when I expressed how much is means to me to watch those things grow, bloom and bear fruit….maybe he got it. It will be a rich blessing for me…not only to have the help, but to have the time to spend with him here. He’s gone much more now that he has outside friends. I’m ok with that, but I’m feeling the emptiness of my nest. At least it’s gradual.
Samuel isn’t here much these days. He is busy with school at NC State…only one year left!! He is so excited. I wasn’t sure I’d see him today, but I was so blessed when he came into my bedroom and wrapped his arms around me. I looked up and saw the straggly hairs on his chin first thing. He’d had a haircut. It looked cool. He’s preparing for his internship this summer with the Asheboro Copperheads, a minor league baseball team about an hour or so away. I’m going to miss knowing that he is only 10 minutes down the road. I mean, he’s gone to Alaska for a whole summer before! But this feels different. I think because it is the last summer before he graduates college.
Kenny was taking a nap this afternoon; meanwhile the boys and I were in the family room talking about their “childhoods.” I put that in quotes because they are still my children, but they are not “children.” You know what I mean? We laughed about temper tantrums, sibling caused concussions, and swing sets with forts. We remembered the night of Hurricane Fran, camping out in the family room eating Cheezits and listening to trees fall around the house. I can still look outside my back door, in the winter when the leave are not obscuring my view, and see “The Leaning Over Tree.” That was a gift from Fran where one huge tree fell over, only to land in a bifurcation of a nearby tree that prevented it’s complete collapse. Who needed monkey bars when you had a Leaning Over Tree! I can still picture the boys climbing that thing…straddling it and hanging on. I wonder if my future grandchildren will climb it one day?
Samuel and I chatted a lot about his internship and possibilities for jobs after graduation. I see a young man who is ready to spread his wings. Part of me would like to clip those wings, but at the same time, there is no way I would. I don’t know what the future holds for Samuel. I just know that as long as he seeks God’s direction and follows it, I will be happy and blessed. That is all I want for him, and for Andrew. I don’t want them running home to me. I want them running to their FATHER…..their Heavenly Father. I want to watch them, whether up close, or far away, willing to deny themselves and follow Him. I want to see them go against the grain, walk into the wind, swim upstream….in a direction that is contrary to the enemy and the ways of the world. I want their faces to be seeking HIS face, and no other.
I don’t need a gift for Mother’s Day. THAT is all the gift I will ever need. I am a blessed woman, indeed.