The past few months have really been a struggle for me spiritually. I want to glorify the Lord in my weakness and I feel like I fail over and over again. I have found when I get at my lowest, I just don’t talk to people or blog my feelings because I don’t want to show that I’m failing again. I realize that I can have disappointment and grief and not be dishonoring the Lord, but it is a fine line for me. Is it enough to not complain? I’d be happy some days with that, but I even fail there. I want to be able to see past the issues and be calm, be at peace, in the Lord and His choices for me. On painful days I just want a different life! I obviously am not spending enough time regaining my focus on a biblical perspective…only taking SOME of my thoughts captive, I suppose.
I have decided to force myself to change focus. I am joining the Gratitude Community which is a group of believers who are using their blogs to share with their readers 1000 things over the next months, etc, that they are thankful to the Lord for giving to them. I have read a few of these blogs and hear countless times how this has changed their perspective…their lives. I feel like the enemy is attempting to pull me into a place of darkness, solitude and self absorption. I can’t allow myself to listen to the enemies deceit, so this is a step I’m taking into the Light.
1. What a day this is! November 4th, 2008…Election Day in America…history will be made today and if we allow ourselves, we can become very emotional and afraid that our candidate will in the dog house, rather than the White House, next year. What a blessing to be able to cast my ballot to choose! But what a COMFORT to rest in God’s sovereignty…knowing that HE is the One who raises up kings and pulls them down!
2. Even through my muscle spasms and bouts of pain, I am so thankful for a doctor who comes so highly recommended and encourages me that I CAN get better. He is honest that it will be long and hard, but he is hopeful that I will one day be much better. One days when I feel that this will never end, I have hope.