Ups and Downs

At least that what I suspect it will be, for a while yet.

It would be nice to wake up in the morning and just lay in bed, thinking about all my blessings and enjoying a day with Kenny off from work…no pressure, ya know? This morning my mind immediately went to the kitchen, a place that -for now- brings me a great deal of stress. It’s gonna take some time to ensure that my kitchen is a “safe place” for me. Doesn’t that sound totally weird? I wish it was as easy as just preparing gluten free meals, but there is such a high risk of cross contamination when you try to have a “blended” kitchen.

I feel a bit like a freak at this point. When I read that I will need to send back a salad at a restaurant if they mistakenly bring me one with croutons (can’t just take ’em off…might leave a crumb), that I need to instruct cooks to use a new cutting board and new gloves when they prepare my food…I mean, really. I’m not that bold yet. Our favorite place to eat as a family is now a place where I’ll just sit and chat while others eat…I can’t trust it to be safe. Even if I could get the waiters to understand what I was saying (Mexican restaurant), it would probably get lost in translation. Grilled chicken would normally be fine, but not if it is prepared on a grill where flour tortillas have been. Did you know a lot of Mexican places dust the corn chips with flour? Yes, that’s all it would take…flour dust. Yes, it’s a down day.

It’s a done deal that my grain mill and my Bosch mixer have to go. Whether or not I’ll get a new mill and attempt rice or oat flour later, I’m not sure. Things are hard enough without making them more complex. I’m going to try bread mixes and use a bread machine for now. Have to get one of those…hopefully I can find one today.  Can’t use our toaster any more…crumbs again.  Do I leave it by the stove and risk crumbs getting in the food I make?  It’s probably going to go too.

I was cleaning up the kitchen today and realizing how much there still is to do. I still have flour in the cabinets. I don’t want to pitch it…hopefully someone else can use it. I should get it all together and take it to church tomorrow. I’ve gotten several items out of the pantry, but there are MANY that I’ll have to research to find out if they are ok…the ones with hidden gluten. Soy sauce has gluten…therefore, so does any Asian sauce with soy sauce IN it…practically all of them. Forget that I just bought several different ones. When I wash a dish that had a gluten product in it, I can’t then use that cloth to wipe down the counter…cross contamination. Did you know that most MAKE-UP has gluten in it? I’ll get to that as soon as I can. Heavens! If Starbuck’s wasn’t mostly safe…well, praise God for THAT blessing!

I don’t want to be a freak…well, maybe a Jesus freak, but I detest that term. But you know what I mean. I can’t tell how Kenny feels about all this. I get the feeling he thinks I might be going overboard, but only because it’s so new to him and he isn’t the one doing all the research. He is so patient with me. I hate he has to deal with this, especially since it won’t be a short term thing.

You know, I have fought legalism in my life for many years, since I naturally have that tendency in several areas…this feels like legalism to me! But it’s an area I HAVE to be strict in, or else get sick. It feels like self-imposed OCD! I can’t even kiss my hubby after he eats a piece of apple pie!

I am so thankful though…that my symptoms should get under control with all this diligence. It won’t be for naught. I don’t think I could stick it out otherwise. I want to be able to encourage others when I get further down the road. If there is no improvement, I don’t think I’ll be able to do that. I KNOW God will want me to do that, so I have to TRUST HIM that improvement will indeed come. I HAVE to believe that.

Lord, I believe…help Thou mine unbelief!

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4 thoughts on “Ups and Downs

  1. I just finished reading your post. I still can’t believe you have this! What a challenge it must be. But I know that you will be a blessing to others. God has used you time and again to minister to others through your own life experiences and now again on a deeper level. I know you would rather not have this uh, *blessing* but I’m glad to see that you are turning to him again and again for strength and faith. I will continue to pray for you. Did you get a call from Heather?

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