Here I am again, back to my blog, after being delinquent for several months.  My posts aren’t earth shattering, so I don’t think I’ve really been missed, but some things are happening around here that I want to blog about, so I can look back on them later and see how the Lord has worked in my situation.  

As any of my readers know, I have several medical issues.  Most of them are under control…the Celiac, Type II diabetes, and hypothyroid among some of the bigger issues.  My fibromyalgia is one of the things that I deal with on a more daily basis.  Well, I deal with the others daily, but this is the one that keeps me guessing from day to day.  How much pain will I be in today?  WILL I be in pain today?  How long will it take my pain meds to work today?  

I went for some tests last week, to check out causes for some pain I’ve had in my bladder area, as well as microscopic blood in my urine.  They did a CT scan of my urinary tract and a cystoscopy , where they shine a light where a light should NEVER be shone!  Thankfully, all those things checked out and he things it is bladder spasms from an over active bladder?  We’ll see if this new med, yes, another one, will help.  

As with many of my other tests, what we were initially looking for was normal but something else was revealed.  First of all, an ovarian cyst…no biggy.  But the thing of concern is a dilated common bile duct/pancreatic duct.  Something is there that is preventing this area from releasing the bile/enzymes into my digestive tract, thus making the tube larger because it’s backing up a bit.  He told me they would do a high resolution CT scan of the pancreas to make sure there weren’t any masses.  I didn’t think much of it at the time.  

The next day, the office person who called to schedule the further tests was obviously trying to get them done in a timely manner.  They are scheduled for Thursday, the 17th of November,  and they will be giving me a disc with the images.   I am to bring them to the doctor’s office the next morning at 8:15 a.m. and they will be working me in.  She stressed that they did not want to wait another week to get this done.  I must say that HER urgency, has greatly affected me.  I’m still a nurse, even though I don’t practice any longer.  I can tell  they want to rule out something major.  In my reading, this dilation can be caused by pancreatitis, which I highly doubt I have because I would be in more pain.  Or, it could be cancer.  My GP did tell me today that gall stones can also cause this dilation.  Can I say I have never wanted gall stones so badly in my life!!!  

My thoughts have run the gamut in the last few days.  My anxiety has been quite high, off and on.  I am working very hard to take my thoughts captive, but I do think of the possibilities.  How can I not?  I know from nursing experience that pancreatic cancer does not have a high success rate.  I’m intentionally NOT reading about that now though, because I don’t want to go there unless God takes me there Himself.  I am not going to walk ahead of Him.  If I go there, it will be with HIM leading me by the hand.  

It is strange how the body reacts to potential bad news.  You just can’t separate the mind and heart from the body.  I was watching the nursery with Kenny Sunday evening.  We had two very active boys around the age of three.  I looked at Kenny and told him when we had grandchildren, babysitting them would be a two man job!  Immediately I had a catch in my chest…will I SEE my grandchildren?  I pushed it aside, because I didn’t want to take Kenny in the same places my mind was wandering.  I imagine his mind is doing its own thing.  I’ve gotten the same catch when I’ve thought about having Thanksgiving here next week with Kenny’s family…when I think to Christmas next month.   Even today at the eye doctor…I only ordered 6 months of contact lenses.  I may not need more.  If I do, great…I’ll order them in 6 months!

To say I want to know NOW is an understatement.  But God has His timing at play, not mine.  But I know for certain that regardless of when or what I find out, He has orchestrated the entire thing.  He knows my every need.  He will walk with me though the further tests, and He will be with us Friday morning when we find out what those tests show.  

I remembered today a phrase that was brought us several times a few years ago at one of our Ladies Conferences at Faith Bible Fellowship.  It’s not about me…it’s ALL about HIM!  I can’t tell you how much I want to honor Him in all this.  I don’t feel I’ve been a very good example through my current health issues.  But this is another opportunity to TRUST MY LORD.  An opportunity to show to others that it is ALL good.  My God is GOOD.  He loves me more than any word can express.  He is with me every step of the way along my journey, whether this takes a difficult turn or not.  He is not sending me into a dark pit.  He is holding out His hand and asking me to walk with Him.  He is being gentle, but oh so strong.  He knows the way, and I just need to walk in the path He leads.  He is stretching me in so many ways.   He is giving me all I need to grow into the image of His Son. 

Impossibly Easy Cheeseburger Pie

1. Heat oven to 400°F. Spray 9-inch glass pie plate with cooking spray. In 10-inch skillet, cook beef and onion over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, until beef is thoroughly cooked; drain. Stir in salt and pepper. Spread in pie plate; sprinkle with cheese.
2. In medium bowl, stir Bisquick mix, milk and eggs until blended. Pour into pie plate.
3. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean.

I doubled this recipe and used a glass 9×13 in dish and it was the perfect size.  Gave me some leftovers to use for lunch the next day.   It’s very simple, nothing outstanding, but I was surprised at how good it tasted.   You can use whatever cheese you like.  I used a Mexican blend.  I think some Pepper Jack added in would be great!

Enjoy!!

If you are like me, as well as many others, we have been taught that desires are a bad thing.  I think much of that happens because we lump every desire into the group “fleshly” desires.  I’m learning that not all our desires are fleshly or meant to draw us away from God.  Many of them are there to draw us TO Him.

Let me quote from the chapter…”We are like Swiss cheese, and the holes in us are actually supposed to be there.  The holes are the things that make us who we are.  The holes are the places God has reserved in us for Himself!  The longings identify our real hunger.  A hunger that drives us to Him to be satisfied.” (Nicole Johnson, Freshly Brewed Life.)

What I have learned from this chapter is that I must spend time examining the desires I have; I must investigate what the true longing is that needs to be filled.  Addictions don’t start out as sin…they begin as desires that are not filled in the ways God would see fit.  We don’t want to wait on His timing, His choice of how that desire is filled.  We want it filled NOW and we run to earthly way to fill that desire.  Food, drugs, bad relationships are all things that could have been filled in godly ways.   How often do we eat because we are lonely, sad or just simply bored.  God wants to fill those desires and needs within us!  He didn’t create food to fill that role.  He is all we need for those desires.

Now is a good time to examine the things in our lives that pull us.  What are the roots of these things that pull us?  I just want to encourage you, as well as myself, to examine the desires you have each day…the ones that draw you toward godliness and those that may not.  Take each one to Him and see if He has a different way to fulfill that desire…one that draws you to Him.

Isaiah 55:1-3

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;
and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.

First of all, the gluten free tortillas….there are two brands I have seen.  I’ll link you to both, but I’ve only tried one of them so far.

These are Smart and Delicious Wraps from La Tortilla Factory.  They are made from teff flour and I can’t tell much difference when made in an enchilada.  If you taste it plain, it doesn’t taste like a white flour tortilla, but they are super because they are flexible without breaking.  They can be frozen and kept for quite some time.  We’ve been pleased with them.

The other brand is not actually a tortilla, but a gluten free flatbread.  I think they could be used as a tortilla, but I want to let you know about them regardless.  I really want to try these, because they come in flavors and I think they would be awesome for sandwich type wraps.  They are called Sandwich Petals, probably because they are shaped like the petals of a flower.  Must have been invented by a female, don’t ya think?  They are a multi grain wrap using a variety of gluten free grains.  There are three flavors…Agave Grain, Chimayo Red Chile (yum), and Spinach Garlic Pesto (double yum!).   The reviews I’ve seen are good, so give them a try!

Now to the ingredients for the enchiladas!

2 lbs chicken breasts (approx. 5 breasts)

1/2 stick margarine

1 large white onion, finely chopped

1 box frozen or 1 can spinach…around 10 oz.

3 cups sour cream

2 – 4 oz. cans of chopped green chiles

1 tsp ground cumin

1/4 cup milk

salt to taste

12 flour tortillas…use gluten free if Celiac

6 oz Montery Jack Cheese (Pepper Jack is AWESOME)

Boil chicken, cool and cut into bite size pieces.  You don’t have to use white meat.  Use whatever you want.  In a skillet, melt butter and saute’ the onions till tender.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Lightly grease large casserole dish.  I used a 9×13.  Heat the spinach if you have frozen.  Strain the liquid and reserve 1/2 cup.  You can use fresh spinach if you want, usually takes about 1 lb, but I prefer to save the time of removing the stems, etc.  If the spinach isn’t already chopped, chop it up coarsely.

Combine:  onion, spinach, sour cream, chilies, cumin, spinach liquid and milk.  Mix.  Season to taste.   NEEDS salt!  Add half the sauce to the chicken and mix well.  Let me note here that if you didn’t salt the chicken, you need to salt this mixture as well.  All that meat with no more salt will mean you will want to add salt at the table.  It really needs it here too.  Just saying.

Fill softened tortillas with equal amounts of filling and roll up.  Place seam side down in the dish.  Cover with half the cheese and then the remaining sauce.  If you like things a little spicy, use all Pepper Jack cheese.  I used half and half and could not even taste the peppers.   My husband likes it bland like this, so just do what works for your family.  Even try half spicy and half not!  After the sauce, top with the rest of the cheese.  Bake about 30 minutes or until heated through.

ENJOY!!

Anyway, chapter one required that I take a look back at my life, sifting through the rubble to uncover what my dreams were when I was younger.  I discovered that I was not much of a dreamer at all, except for wanting to be married to a godly man and being a godly wife and mother one day.  The year I met Kenny and the following year were probably the happiest times in my life.

But I discovered something else…I don’t wear rose colored glasses.  I see my past through a very negative lens.  It was quite discouraging to see, and to admit.   I’ve been a believer since I was 10 years old, but I have failed to cultivate that deep, intimate relationship with God that He so wants to have with ME.  I have always known He was there for me, that He is sovereign in all things, He would never leave me, and He loved me enough to allow His Son to die for me.     But I haven’t done enough to cultivate the relationship on MY end.  I picture like this…I’m in a room and He is right there with me, watching me, available for me.  He has been the ONLY reason that I have survived the trials and tribulations of this world.  But I know now that survival is not the goal.  I think that is where my negative view comes into the picture.  I have always tried to be thankful for everything He has done for me.  But….THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!!

He LOVES me…He doesn’t just want to be my savior.  He wants to be my confidant, my friend, my stronghold, my shield…He wants to be EVERYTHING to me.  And here I am, letting Him sit on the sidelines because I have not pushed myself to be INTIMATE with Him.  I have missed out on so much.

I was discussing this with a dear friend, who has gone through SO much in her life.   She doesn’t look back with negativity.  She “lives out loud” and praises God with all she has.  She often says, “I had such a WONDERFUL time with the Lord this morning!”  I admit to being jealous.  I asked her about her outlook on her past and she recalled the years she struggled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  She said she KNEW that God was trying to teach her something through this and she wanted to come through it triumphantly.  Even now, as I struggle with my own health, that has not been my goal.  MY goal was to survive the experience with God’s help.  What low expectations I have had, when *I* am a child of the most high God!!!

Now I do want to add here that I learned a LOT about myself and the Lord through my difficulties.  I couldn’t have gotten through them without Him.  But NOW, I desire MORE!  To come through these issues triumphantly….how cool is that!?

Isn’t it awesome that God never stops working on our hearts!?  I see where my negative outlook has affected my sons, so I’ve been very vocal about this with them lately.  I hope they can break the cycle that has been perpetuated through me.

All this was from Chapter 1!  Looking forward to Chapter 2 and sharing my thoughts with you!

Last year, I was struggling after my back surgery.  I’m so glad that is behind me.  I don’t remember that Mother’s Day.  In fact, I don’t remember a lot of what happened in the weeks following my surgery.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!

This year, I’m still weak, but not because of my back.  I AM, in fact, getting better….from my newly diagnosed diabetes.  The word is out on the fibromyalgia, since the new medication I’ve been taking is causing some side effects that make me exhausted and lethargic.  Much of the energy I had regained is gone again.  I am weaning myself off that drug, which has done WONDERS for my pain level.  I just can’t handle the way it makes me feel.  Very frustrating, indeed.

Both the boys are in college now….Andrew still at home and I’m so thankful for that.  He has grown by leaps and bounds this year…thankfully, not physically.  6 foot, 4 inches is big enough!  He has become much more independent and has developed a circle of friends in the members of his Campus Crusuade for Christ Bible study members.  He went into it, feeling a bit like an outsider, since all the other members live at one dorm on campus, but I feel like much of that is dissolving.  He respects his leaders and have developed some friendships within the group.  He is going to miss this this summer as many of them will go back “home” and not be in Raleigh.

He strongly desires to get a job, but so far that has not been possible.  Even in highschool, his physical limitation have made it impossible.  He is trying to get a job on campus this summer, but knows that our first priority for him is to work hard at the physical therapy that he has been given to strengthen his body.  He has loved swimming this past semester and will continue that three times a week.  His PT also wants him to go to the gym for some specific exercises 2-3 times a week.  That is more important to me than a job.   He is not lazy.  He was fretting this morning at his low funds because of Mother’s Day.  I told him what I really wanted, which was help with planting things on the deck that is hard for ME.  Initially he thought that was lame, but when I expressed how much is means to me to watch those things grow, bloom and bear fruit….maybe he got it.  It will be a rich blessing for me…not only to have the help, but to have the time to spend with him here.  He’s gone much more now that he has outside friends.  I’m ok with that, but I’m feeling the emptiness of my nest.  At least it’s gradual.

Samuel isn’t here much these days.  He is busy with school at NC State…only one year left!!  He is so excited.  I wasn’t sure I’d see him today, but I was so blessed when he came into my bedroom and wrapped his arms around me.  I looked up and saw the straggly hairs on his chin first thing.  He’d had a haircut.  It looked cool.  He’s preparing for his internship this summer with the Asheboro  Copperheads, a minor league baseball team about an hour or so away.  I’m going to miss knowing that he is only 10 minutes down the road.  I mean, he’s gone to Alaska for a whole summer before!  But this feels different.  I think because it is the last summer before he graduates college.

Kenny was taking a nap this afternoon; meanwhile the boys and I were in the family room talking about their “childhoods.”  I put that in quotes because they are still my children, but they are not “children.”  You know what I mean?  We laughed about temper tantrums, sibling caused concussions,  and swing sets with forts.  We remembered the night of Hurricane Fran, camping out in the family room eating Cheezits and listening to trees fall around the house.  I can still look outside my back door, in the winter when the leave are not obscuring my view, and see “The Leaning Over Tree.”  That was a gift from Fran where one huge tree fell over, only to land in a bifurcation of a nearby tree that prevented it’s complete collapse.   Who needed  monkey bars when you had a Leaning Over Tree!  I can still picture the boys climbing that thing…straddling it and hanging on.   I wonder if my future grandchildren will climb it one day?

Samuel and I chatted a lot about his internship and possibilities for jobs after graduation.  I see a young man who is ready to spread his wings.  Part of me would like to clip those wings, but at the same time, there is no way I would.  I don’t know what the future holds for Samuel.  I just know that as long as he seeks God’s direction and follows it, I will be happy and blessed.  That is all I want for him, and for Andrew.  I don’t want them running home to me.  I want them running to their FATHER…..their Heavenly Father.   I want to watch them, whether up close, or far away, willing to deny themselves and follow Him.  I want to see them go against the grain, walk into the wind, swim upstream….in a direction that is contrary to the enemy and the ways of the world.  I want their faces to be seeking HIS face, and no other.

I don’t need a gift for Mother’s Day.   THAT is all the gift I will ever need.    I am a blessed woman, indeed.

I go see my regular doc tomorrow, and I really hope they do some blood work.  It hasn’t quite been three months since I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes, so they might not want to do an A1C yet.  We will see.  I’m anxious to see my BP reading, since it seems to be creeping up.  I’ve not upped my meds in several years, so it might be time.  He’ll be glad to know that I am down 10 lbs though!!  I can’t take much credit, when my diabetes meds make me want to hurl at the sight of most foods.  But regardless, it’s going down.

Thursday I go back to the endocrinologist office.  I see the assistant, I think.  I’m hoping I can keep taking this Victoza and that the side effect will continue to lessen.  They are slightly better in the last 24 hours, but supposedly, my dose isn’t even theraputic yet.  LOL!  I had a fasting BS of 107 this morning.  That’s pretty good to me!!  I have found that the mornings after those really rough nights where I’m wrestling myself to fall asleep, my BS is much higher.  Yesterday’s was 155.  It’s amazing what the stress can do to the chemicals in the body.

I am pleased to report that my pain is much better.  The bad news is that it might be due to this new med that I think is causing my tremors and rapid heart beat.  Figures.

I’m ready to feel normal again!  …..maybe I should say, I’m ready to feel BETTER than normal!!  LOL

Since my back surgery.  And, boy, what a year it has been.    When people mention Cinco de Mayo, my mind goes to a totally different place than that of most people, unfortunately.  But, I must say, I am not in that kind of pain any longer, so that is good.

Since my last post, there are some new things happening….some good and some not-so-good.  The GOOD is that my blood sugars are coming down nicely.  I’m still on the Metformin, now 1000 mg twice a day.  I’m also taking Victoza, which is a daily injection, that helps the BS come down even more.  It makes me feel quite queasy though, and I’m still praying that THAT will go away.  If it doesn’t, we will be trying another med.  I feel about as bad as I did before getting diagnosed and that kind of defeats the purposed, to me at least.  So the side effects, that would be the not-so-good.

That respite I had for a few weeks has made it quite difficult to be content where I find myself this week.  I want to plant veggies in my pots on the deck.  I want to go for a long walk.  I want to cook a dinner that takes more than just a few steps.  I want to open the refrigerator and not feel like gagging at every option before me.  I want to FEEL like going out with my friends for lunch!!!  I went out a couple days ago and so enjoyed the fellowship with my friend, Marcia, but I felt like a dog, especially after getting home.

I also want to come here and feel like I have more to say than commenting on my physical condition.  I’m going to really try to blog more and dig deeper into myself and see what might be worth writing about.  I am so blessed and I need to make myself share those blessings with others.

Boy!  Lots of changes in my life since my last post.

I have been continuing with physical therapy and have been quite pleased with Sports and More Physical Therapy.  They are not affiliated with any particular physician’s office and I like that.  They don’t have to worry with being loyal to anyone but the patient.  Works for me!  The aquatic therapy has been quite soothing and my strength is increasing in my core.

In February I was diagnosed with hypopnea, which is a form of sleep apnea.  It is when there is a partial obstruction in the airway but the oxygen level consistently drop.  I now have a C-pap machine, which is not my favorite thing in the world, but I do think I’m getting deeper sleep.  I thought it would make a huge difference in the exhaustion I felt all day, and the need to sleep till noon many days, but it didn’t.

About a month ago I was at a place in PT that I felt I was hitting a wall.  The exercises I had been doing were exhausting me when I did them and I was unable to keep progressing to more difficult levels.  I also noticed that I was loosing weight.  Normally I would say, GREAT, but I was not trying.  I lost 7 lbs in two weeks.  I was also detecting a weird taste in my mouth at times.  And like I said, the exhaustion was all consuming.

I asked my dad to come by the next morning with his blood glucose monitor.  I had a suspicion.  I was right.  My fasting blood sugar was 339.  I had/have Type II Diabetes.  The doctor said with the double whammy of heredity and sedentary lifestyle due to my other issues, I didn’t have much of a chance.

I changed my diet right away, even before all my other labwork was back.  Within a week I was feeling better.  My AIC was 11.2, which is pretty bad.  Triglicerides through the roof.  Anyway, rather than go into all the details, suffice it to say there were lots of changes to be made.

I have been working with Jude Carr, the PA with Carolina Family Practice and Sports Medicine.  He has been AWESOME to work with.  He is a young guy, patient with me and explains things so well to me.   It looks like my blood sugar hasn’t been checked since 2007.  If I let myself “go there” in my mind, with all the other blood work I’ve had to determine what was wrong with me, I could get pretty upset about why this wasn’t found before now.  But God’s timing is perfect and I know it’s best to just accept what the Lord has allowed into my life.  So when I go there, I shoo myself back out of there!

My blood sugars are coming down, with my diet changes and with Metformin 500 mg twice a day.  Jude thinks I might need insulin as well, but I’m hoping that won’t be the case.  I also see an endocrinologist in a couple weeks, one I am familiar with and was glad to see him added to my health care team.    I have been back to church, on Sunday mornings only, for two weeks in a row!  I have felt soooooo much better.  It is unbelievable!  I don’t spend 90% of my day in bed any longer.  I SLEEP in my bed.  I might occasionally lay down to rest my back, but it is not home base like it was.  I still have a ways to go with increasing my strength, but I am progressing well with PT, now that we figured out what that wall was that I kept hitting.

I never thought I’d be happy to have diabetes, but honestly, I AM!!

A Couple of My Favorite Gluten Free Soups

Last week when the weather here in NC was so bitterly cold,  we chowed down on a couple new soup recipes.  I thought I’d pool several of my favorite soup recipes in one post and share them with you.  I’ll post the recipe as I originally received it and put my changes in red, in case you want to share it with someone who can still use the gluten version.

Cheesburger Soup

Directions

1. In a large pot, melt 1 tablespoon butter or margarine over medium heat: cook and stir vegetables and beef , until beef is brown.
2. Stir in basil and parsley. Add broth and potatoes. Bring to a boil, then simmer until potatoes are tender, about 10-12 minutes.
3. Melt the remainder of butter in a saucepan and stir in flour. Add the milk, stirring until smooth on low heat.
4. Gradually add milk mixture to the soup, stirring constantly. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to simmer. Stir in cheese. When cheese is melted, add sour cream and heat through. Do not boil.

Let me say…this was GOOD soup.  I doubled the recipe so I can also say that it freezes well.   I originally left the sour creme out and my family loved it, but I personally added it to my bowl and it REALLY enhanced the flavor.

Delicious “Virus Killing Soup”

Friends of mine shared this recipe with me when cold and flu season began.  I didn’t think much about it till we started getting some cold symptoms so wanted to give it a try.  I thought it was going to taste nasty, but to my surprise, it was awesome!  Now I make it just because we love it.   The orginal sourse was a blog called “Eat At Home.” I”ll post the recipe as I make it.

Ingredients

• the meat from one whole chicken
• 1-1 1/2 bulbs of fresh garlic, minced
• 1 Tbs. salt
• 2 tsp. dried thyme
• 1 tsp. dried rosemary
• cayenne pepper, about 1 tsp.
• ground black pepper to taste
• 2 boxes gluten free chicken broth

• sliced carrots
• 1 stalk celery, chopped  (I omitted)
• 1 large onion, diced
• 1 fennel bulb (I omitted)
• 1/2 cup white wine, optional
• 1-2 cans diced tomatoes